it's personal.

Hey guys...
So, I know I've been blogging about my lifestyle changes.  I think it's time to blog about my LIFE changes.

I'm currently sitting here, with tears streaming down my face, realizing I need to make some changes in my life.  I've said it before, But I never really took that next step.

These past few years have been the hardest years I think I will ever have to face.  I lost my family, some of my closest friends,  I lost respect and dignity.

Because of this, I have been carrying around such heavy burdens.  I have been carrying around the weight of shame, and guilt, and I've been carrying around the awful words people have said to me.  "Your such a hypocrite"  "Your nothing but a worthless piece of crap"  " your going no where in life"  "I hope you go to hell"  "God dosn't love a person like you" I keep those words in the back of my head, and I allow myself to believe them.  I dwell on them, and then I get to a breaking point.  Where I become angry, I lash Out, I say things I don't mean.. And I regret them after because I didn't them. 

Today, at 11:31 AM.  I got down on my knees at work.  I cried out to God & I allowed myself to lay all my burdens at his feet like He asked me too.  I gave all my pain to Him, I gave all my hurts to Him.  I am so honoured, and joyful that I have such an amazing God who allows me to do that.

I tired counselling once, but I had an idea in my mind that I didn't need it, so I stopped. But I think I do.  So I have my first session booked again with an amazing Christian Agency.

I'm excited to make this change in my life, I'm scared.  I'm nervous. I'm anxious. But I know it's a process.. Just like working out and losing weight.

I am writing this to ask you to help me stay accountable to this change, to stop taking other peoples burdens upon myself.

I know I have a God that will never fail me, Who will never leave me nor forsake me.

Thanks.
I love you all so much.